The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
