I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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