So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
