Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
