I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
