and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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