he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
