so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
