My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
