This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
