Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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