I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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