im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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