Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im holly from the hills drunk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
