He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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