Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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