Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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