for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
