My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
