We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
