sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
