You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
