But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
