I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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