He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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