I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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