My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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