Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize