3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize