My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, beer. Big fan.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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