We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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