Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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