I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize