she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
