I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
