so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
