Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
