Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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