You're completely useless in the revolution.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
