This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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