Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
