then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
