did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
