I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
