I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
