gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
