I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
