I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
