Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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