He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
