our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
