im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
