I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
