I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
