omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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