Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
