If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
