If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
