A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We need a shit load of segways right now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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