I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
