It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
