He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
