that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
