she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
