She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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