I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
