my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
